We are off......another season underway

The day after any bowling night is always interesting. Will there be a blog entry, will there be a string of e-mails or text messages? Or will we all just secretly not speak the unspeakable based on some of the team's recent "successes"? Do we hope that the actions of the previous night might somehow have actually been a dream (nightmare?) and not a reality?

All valid questions that I will now answer. First thing Wednesday morning sure enough, out comes the "how'd we do?" e-mail from JD. Not missing a beat, Jim M. tosses in some wit at the team's expense, followed shortly by an always encouraging word from Jim H. (thanks for your eternal optimism JH). Nothing seems too strange here, right? Unless you know who bowled, that is. Notably absent from the commentary was Dan, Brian, Mark and Pat...the guys that actually mustered up the courage to take an 0-7 ass-whippin at the expense of the MAN, the Myth, the Legend....Neil Falsedick.

With the one exception of Mark who won $13 for his 164 and had a 514 series, the Diablos (I'll say it again....dumb name) were not up for the challenge of participating in a Men's bowling league. Mr. Asterisk had a 438, El Capatain a 419 and Rocky "I'm not the anchor" Redbridge needed a mark in the 3rd game's 10th frame to eek out a 405. Possibly more impressive was the Prybel-esque manner in which he did it (yes, the dreaded gutter / spare combo) If someone can quietly bowl a 125 pins below average it was achieved by Pat, inspiring a "I had know idea you were bowling so shitty" comment at the end of the evening.

Quaterly report: 2010 - 2011 season

As I read the last entry (a guest author submission by bowler #4 back in March), it prompted me to read some previous entries. Not only did I enjoy the way the words just flew off the screen effortlessly, it brought me back to a glorious time in the history of Los Diablos. There was talk of the team 5 x 500 (this "land on Pluto" type dream has not been mentioned once this year) and weekly 7-0 records. We sat clearly on top of our division. Was last season a preview of our future league domination or was it a fluke, an aberration, as it were? I will let you decide.


Having had the distinction of being the only other published author on this blog, JD knew he had to do something to get the updates started again. After all, wasn't it his argument (albeit a flawed one) that the long standing tradition (less than 1 year) of the tequila frame must be reinstated to get the bowling world back on its axis? He was sure that his 11 in the first frame would prod this stubborn author into action but he was wrong. What could he do? He figured the only way to become legendary was to do something previously thought unachievable in a men's bowling league....he scored a 1 in the 1st frame. Knocking down only the 7 pin like a pro in a practice session, all he needed to do now was throw a gutter and the 1 would be his. Not JD, though!!! That would be too easy and not very noteworthy. As JD approached on his 2nd throw, he knew the only way to make this special was to throw the exact same ball again. He released the ball, it curved across the lane and to his delight, slid out of sight in the same spot vacated by the 7 pin, all 9 others in place. The smirk on his face seemed to say "write about THAT, blog master!"

While I must admit that it is blog worthy, would we not all agree that Pat throwing a ball while the pin sweeper was still down was a little more "interesting"? As he watched the ball slowly roll back towards him after loudly crashing into the sweeper, a goofy "WTF? / "how'd that happen?" expression crossed his face. The bowlers on the surrounding lanes shook their heads in disgust and wondered how this group had ever managed to get into this league. Quite blog worthy I am sure you would agree....but the story does not end there. Seeking the attention that Pat got (negative as it were), Mark too let his ball fly while the ball sweeper was still down. Now the remaining teammates had the collective "WTF?" expressions on their faces. "We are going to get kicked out of this league" was their sentiment. Once was bad enough, but twice?

Some facts to digest: Last year's team average: 824. This year's 769. Muck last year: 186, now 172. Dan last year: 167, now 156. Pat last year: 164, now 158. Brian last year: 155, now 140. JD last year: 158, now 134. That is 4 out of 5 with the sub 10 pin average asterisk next to their name. Pat is about a 440 series from making it 5 for 5. On a positive note, we did have the first beer frame of the year. Later on in that same game we again all had strikes during a team 7 consecutive strike run started in the 7th by JD. We are not the best, we are not the worst...something better change quick or we will never finish first.

Guest author summarizes dismal 2-5 evening

Editor's note: Please enjoy a fresh perspective from guest author, bowler number 4, for the nice (unedited) summary of this past week's efforts. The references at the end have been added for clarification. As always, enjoy.

"Fellow stray diablos,The diablos melt down to a 2-5 night, if it wasn't for Muck's 9 strikes to close out his 256 (?) game we would lost all 7! the subs held there own especially Mark with another strong 500 series. It was a very quiet night without a word about tequila, a Diablo tradition(*). I don't feel number 3(**) is an option, we need to some how bring back the team tequila frame in some format.On the ride back to Naperville Higgs and Prybel wondered what happen to tequila? I believe in the 2nd game, 6th frame a tequila frame occurred.The super subs were at a loss with no tequila, a Diablo tradition(*). Hopefully we can work something out!"
milk toast

(*)tra·di·tion trəˈdɪʃən/ [truh-dish-uhn] –noun
1. the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information, etc., from generation to generation, esp. by word of mouth or by practice: a story that has come down to us by popular tradition.
2. a long-established or inherited way of thinking or acting: The rebellious students wanted to break with tradition.
Editor's note: Los Diablos was formed on 1/3/2007. The long standing "tradition" started this season (although first introduced in concept during the last two weeks of the 2009 season).

(**) throwing additonal money in the poker pot in lieu of a tequilla round (ironically, the only option presented that did not keep the tequilla frame alive)

We demand a recount!!!

Going into the evening we all felt we were a sweep or 2 away from wrapping up the 2nd half division title based on what we thought was a commanding lead. A quick glance at the standings, accompanied by some BS "explanation", revealed that our lead was not quite what we thought it was. The explanation was there was a minor error and only about 15 points were re-assigned....no big deal. No big deal unless of course you are the team that saw your 21 point win column lead shrink to 12. Oh well, I guess it is what it is. How would the team respond?

Bowling our most consistent game of the year (172 low to 193 high) the 895 total was good for a 31 point win. While the 2nd game was not as good (835) it was almost as consistent with scores ranging from 151 to 184 and a 37 point win. Game 3 saw a further dip to 819 (but still above average) and a 153 point victory for a 7-0 sweep. We will just have to build up our big lead again.

Brian remained on a tear blowing away the perceived unachievable 500 for the 2nd week in a row with a 553 (177,184,172). For his efforts he got to buy the team a tequila round. Jim bowled 541 with a 193, 170, 178. Dan's 517 was nothing special with a 173, 164, 181. Pat managed to get a 470 despite not hitting the head pin one time all evening. This marks only his 2nd sub 500 series since his 629 series 10 week ago. That brings us to JD.

Perhaps it was the preseason hope that JD would be challenging Jim for the anchor spot or his own recent success that prompted Brian to once again show he was indeed the team captain. Making a bold lineup change he switched Pat and JD. How would he react? How does a 181 followed by a 166 sound? With a 2 game total of 347 a 500 series was almost ensured. The team's consistent first 2 games had set us up for our best chance for the 5 x 5. There was no need for someone to bowl a 200+ to reach 500. Pat needed a 177 (he bowled a 147) and JD needed a 153 (he bowled a 121). Oh well, no 5x5 but a 7-0 evening nonetheless.

2 pins away from a 7-0

Although they are a team in disarray, anytime we meet head to head with the Misfits it is a special night. The bad blood between the teams may have stemmed from the infamous no hand shake game last year when we kicked their asses and had no shame in letting them know it all evening. Or is it the Mini Me's and the blue tooth? I have written many times about our battles with the Misfits and to see the team crumble before your eyes almost make you cry. Almost, that is, until you hear Neal mumble something about "wrong side", or watch his contorted delivery style (oh, yeah, forgot, only Pat and I admit to watching other bowlers). Yet I think what gets us the most (as well as other league members) is the yell as his ball approaches the pins. Jim, from the next lane over, described the yell as the sound one would make as a boiled potato was being inserted in one's rectum (rectum...damn near killed him!!). I can only hope to never experience this procedure to validate that theory.

After last week's light bulb moment regarding the likelihood of reaching a 500 series(not), I am glad to report that Brian decided to man-up and actually prove to the team, and to himself, that he could break a 500. His first 2 games of 179 and 182 put him in excellent position (wait, I have heard this tune before). Would the desire to remain a 148 bowler overshadow this great start? No!!! Bringing it home with a 211 he bowled a career high 572 series. Of course we all enjoyed our captain's success and continually reacted well as he was having his success but nothing could have matched our reaction after one particular strike. Knowing it was a "cheap" strike, a grinning Brian stuck out his hand for a high five from Neal. Looking shocked and disgusted all at once, Neal disdainfully turned his head and left Brian's hand hanging in the breeze.

Other bowlers also had success on this evening. A couple lanes down Dave was clearly irritated when his 300 game slipped away, prompting Jim to state: "Ole long arm doesn't like 280 games". Speaking of Jim, he rolled a solid 565 (182, 180, 203), Pat's 569 (165, 205, 199) was 2nd to Brian and Dan had a quiet 540 (174, 199, 167). Four down and one to go for the 5 x 5(despite Brian's "not a chance in hell that is ever going to happen with me on the team" declaration last week). JD has flirted with and achieved the 500 in recent weeks so it seemed a distinct possibility. Although a 137, 157 and 136 would be admirable scores if you took 3 separate IQ tests, this is a men's bowling league and a 430 series is not all that impressive. Better get those 133 average evenings out of the way before the neighborhood kids finish their five lessons!!

With all games above average (837, 923, 916) we finished the evening 5-2. This despite losing the 1st game by 2 pins (when we thought we had it in the bag). Tequila shots (as well as Fat Tuesday chips and salsa) were supplied by Dan, who cried: "JD has gotten about 3 strikes all night and one of them has to be when I have to buy shots?" Although Dan's recent 10th frame difficulties seemed to be eliminated, there was one particular 1oth when Dan did not have a strike and 2nd man Brian managed to get his first 2 strikes in the 10th. Pat then proceeded to throw a non strike on his first throw which prompted Jim to say: "That may be the first ever one ball, double tequila bailout".

An average evening

Sporting a team average of 809 our scores for the evening were 830, 800 and 803. Based on the "all we have to do is bowl our average" theory you would think that we won the first game and lost the second two....as well as series. If that is how you thought, you would be right. Could it have been the shots of Oberweis chocolate milk that powered us to the first game victory or the lack of tequila shots that contributed to the below average 2nd and 3rd games? You never really can tell but with no beer frames or tequila frames you may get the impression that the team was not clicking on all cylinders.

To his credit, JD came out smokin' with a 170 and 210. Knowing that a 500 series was in the bag it appeared he may have let his guard down in game three. I am not sure if the 88 was in the 7th or the 8th but I threatened to wring his neck if he let the 500 series slip away after his great start. He puffed out his chest and declared: "If I don't get a 500 I will not bowl the rest of the year". I am glad to report he rallied to reach the girly 120's (127) and finish with a 507. Jim's lackluster evening was somewhat salvaged as he need a 204 in the 3rd game to match JD's 507. Pat's 508 was the high series of the night while Dan's 492 wa slightly below average. Brian's 1st game 153 had us all anticipating a normal week's performance of three games of 150 plus or minus 6 pins (we wish). Brian scorched past the girly 120's with a 132 and 134.

There was one "light bulb" moment on this non descript evening. Brian, with his 148 average, came to the realization that it is much more difficult (and unlikely) for him to get a 500 series than it is for Jim (185 average) to get a 500 series. I am pretty sure as Brian was stating this somewhat obvious fact that in his mind he was thinking ".....so get OFF MY BACK!!" I just don't think "Four by 5 and a score less 500" has the same ring as "5 by 5". Who knows? Let's try it out this week.

Ass-pan returns..or does he?

With a last minute sub (Mark) in for the previous last minute sub (Jim H.),no one was sure how the team would react due to the line up changes or the absence of the team captain. Does a record breaking 960 game answer the question? With scores ranging from 166 to 234, it was clear that everyone was on their game and in the first game we needed to be. We blew away our previous high game by 24 pins and managed to win the game by only 17 !! You feel a little bad when a division "C" team out bowls their average by 131 pins and still loses to a division "A" team....NOT! As the Beatles say: "......isn't it good, Morning wood." At least they got that going for themselves.

You may recall we came out smoking last week and then had a huge 2nd game let down (130 pins) but that would not be the case tonight. With scores ranging from 165 to 204 we recorded a 907 and were up 4-0. Unfortunately, although above average, our 3rd game (822) was quite a bit lower with scores ranging from 125 to 200. Wait, I see a trend. A girly 120's, or lower (never mind, Brian wasn't here) and our team score suffers. I have seen the light. The reduced score resulted in a 4-3 evening, not bad considering how well a division "C" team bowled.

You may be wondering if the excellent scores had any further perks and they did indeed! A first of the season beer frame and 2 tequila frames. Feeling so good about ourselves we even went with the pizza / fries combo pack. Could all 3 games over our average equal the elusive 5 x 5? Dan's 616 was a career high series coupled with a career high game (234), this despite his Asspan-like 10th frame collapse in all 3 games . Jim had a very nice 575 (209, 172, 194) and Pat continued his 500+ tear with a 510 (180, 184, 146). Three down and 2 to go. Mark's 1st 2 games of 166 and 204 had the team talking of how it seemed like Mark was playing for a roster spot and that a 500 was in the bag. Oops...4 splits in the first 8 frames had Mark talking to himself. Thank goodness for the 10th frame turkey which allowed him to climb his way into the girly 120's with a 125. This left him at a 495. JD's 171, 165 also left him sniffing at a 500 but a 3rd game 157 left him 7 pins short with a 493.