We all know the joys and / or pains of waking up with morning wood. It all depends how you "handle" the situation. The same could be said when we are asked to step out of our division and take on the big boys.....in this case, team Morning Wood. Strutting around with an engorged 952 team scratch series average (we just now have reached 800) they clearly knew they had the upper hand playing the Division "A" Los Diablos. How did we handle it you ask? We were clearly "up" for the challenge. With no one really having a great 1st game we bowled an above average 816 (led by Brian's 185) and only lost by a mere 12 pins. We may just have a chance.
Not only did we have a chance, our 2nd game of 838 (Jim M 199, Pat 195, Dan 183) tied the score at 2-2. Pumped up by the 2nd game victory, there was renewed discussion of the newly established 5 by 5 goal. A 500 series was within grasp for all five bowlers. A couple beer frames here, a tequila frame there and we would be all set. Here comes the bad news / good news part: There were no beer frames nor tequila frames and only 2 bowlers hit 500+ (Jim M 545 and Dan 525) (bad news). However, we won the 3rd game by 76 pins, took the evening 5-2, and 2 bowlers came very close to the 500 series (Pat 488 and Brian 487). This all despite Brian throwing what Jim described as the sh%#tiest ball ever. Of course, Brian returned the compliment a couple of balls later claiming Jim had then thrown an even sh%#tier ball (and therefore this had now become the sh#%tiest ball ever). Oh, the encouragement we give one another!!
I will end with a few closing disturbing thoughts regarding a group of men who would call themselves "Morning Wood"....1)at one point after Pat got a strike via the "back door", one of the woodsman enthusiastically pranced up to our table and shrieked "The back door is closed for me!" The uncomfortable involuntary puckering of my sphincter reminded me of the questionable make-up of this league's players. 2) After a particularly good frame by one of the opponents and an exchange of high fives by all, I again felt queasy by the utter delicacy and femininity of his soft hands 3) Why would you have cards with pictures of fat women and men with big Johnsons?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Our first 7-0 evening of the year
This entry will be dedicated more to statistics than to any great wit or wisdom coming from me. First things first...we took the evening 7-0 which is always a good thing. This puts us at 19 - 9 for the season, compared to an 11 -17 record through 4 weeks last year (the Misfits are currently 7 - 21 if anyone is interested). Our team average is 794 this year verses 759 at this time last year.
Individually Jim's 175 average is 50th out of 91 bowlers. He finished last year at 174. JD's 164 average is 63rd and it compares favorably to the year ending 159. Dan's 161 is 68th comparing well to his ending 157. Pat's 149 average ranks him as the 84th best bowler (this still has an asterisk next to it, I believe due to the large plummet in his average and the "anti-sandbagging" rule that is in place). His average last year was 163. Brian ranks 87th with a 146 which is about the 147 he finished with last year. Mark L or P is the 91st best bowler in the league at 133. As a reference point Hank has a 186 average.
I think we all agree we each have the potential to kick it up a notch this year and despite that not really happening as of yet, we are doing great as a team compared to last year. Averaging over 800 scratch as well as all five bowlers getting a 500+ series on the same night should be a realistic goal.
As a note to Brian who put out the challenge to find if JD ever has any "challenging" games. It did not take too long a 118 on 1/27/09 and a 113 on 2/24/09.
Check out the link for Bagtoberfest 2009 pictures.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=9041&id=1835017780&l=1eeb668c7e
Individually Jim's 175 average is 50th out of 91 bowlers. He finished last year at 174. JD's 164 average is 63rd and it compares favorably to the year ending 159. Dan's 161 is 68th comparing well to his ending 157. Pat's 149 average ranks him as the 84th best bowler (this still has an asterisk next to it, I believe due to the large plummet in his average and the "anti-sandbagging" rule that is in place). His average last year was 163. Brian ranks 87th with a 146 which is about the 147 he finished with last year. Mark L or P is the 91st best bowler in the league at 133. As a reference point Hank has a 186 average.
I think we all agree we each have the potential to kick it up a notch this year and despite that not really happening as of yet, we are doing great as a team compared to last year. Averaging over 800 scratch as well as all five bowlers getting a 500+ series on the same night should be a realistic goal.
As a note to Brian who put out the challenge to find if JD ever has any "challenging" games. It did not take too long a 118 on 1/27/09 and a 113 on 2/24/09.
Check out the link for Bagtoberfest 2009 pictures.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=9041&id=1835017780&l=1eeb668c7e
Friday, September 25, 2009
Struggling to find our team MOJO
It was only one week that the new and improved revamped lime up was in play before a change had to be made. While it may appear to an outside observer that Brian took the night off to try to get his mind right after last week's sub 400 series, the team knew(did we?) that he had a business trip planned. I do recall how manly he told us how he laid down the law at home and had scheduled his trip on Wednesday morning. "Oh, so you don't miss bowling?" his wife sarcastically inquired. "Yes, Damn it, Tuesday is my night with the boys!" Way to man-up captain......um......if bowling is Tuesday and the trip was Wednesday.....um, interesting.
In Brian's absence Dan took over the lead off spot and actually preformed for the first time this year progressively improving each game on the way to a 533 series ( 161, 176, 196). The team welcomed back founding team member Mark (not to be confused with FNG Mark) to take over the #2 spot in the lineup. Mark was all excited as he cast aside the old 8 pounder and displayed his newly acquired black beauty. At times Mark looked like a seasoned pro, the pins exploding as his ball hooked skillfully into the pocket. At other times Mark struggled, unsure what was going to happen as he released the ball. It was at these times I recalled the old joke about Adam getting his first erection. Not knowing exactly what was happening he looked over to Eve and said: "Stand back, I'm not sure how big this thing is going to get!" Mark had a 400 series, finishing nicely with a 153 (128, 119, 153)
Pat was pumped over last week's nice performance and started out OK with a 162. The 2nd game 148 really was not all that bad either (Jim has had 3 games in the 140's in 3 weeks and is still maintaining a 172 average). Unfortunately, these 2 games were as good as it got for Pat as he rode a string of 5 mark less frames to finish the 3rd game with a 117. While falling short of the girly 120's it did exceed Brian 's low water mark from last week of 107. To make things worse, he actually did a "Brooklyn point" while he threw his 2nd ball. The fact that he had a whole rack (actually 9 pins) may have confused him. As he dug in his pockets for the non existent remaining quarters, he declared: "Looks like it is back to practice 3 days a week."
In the battle for the team's top average, Jim out dueled JD 523 to 458 (not much of a battle anchorman!). As is his norm this year, Jim tossed in a 149 just to keep his average from spiking too high or too early. Is it strategy, or is he trying to give JD a fighting chance? Much like last year's explanations (scab on leg and clenched butt cheeks to avoid a bowel blowout), Jim produced a new one for this year......"I have a pain in my ass, don't you know?"
Not much to be said about JD's 458 other than a girly 121 is always going to keep you short of the 525 series he is capable of achieving. Like Pat earlier, JD acknowledged it may be time for a practice session.
We went 2-5 and now sit at 12-9 for the year.
In Brian's absence Dan took over the lead off spot and actually preformed for the first time this year progressively improving each game on the way to a 533 series ( 161, 176, 196). The team welcomed back founding team member Mark (not to be confused with FNG Mark) to take over the #2 spot in the lineup. Mark was all excited as he cast aside the old 8 pounder and displayed his newly acquired black beauty. At times Mark looked like a seasoned pro, the pins exploding as his ball hooked skillfully into the pocket. At other times Mark struggled, unsure what was going to happen as he released the ball. It was at these times I recalled the old joke about Adam getting his first erection. Not knowing exactly what was happening he looked over to Eve and said: "Stand back, I'm not sure how big this thing is going to get!" Mark had a 400 series, finishing nicely with a 153 (128, 119, 153)
Pat was pumped over last week's nice performance and started out OK with a 162. The 2nd game 148 really was not all that bad either (Jim has had 3 games in the 140's in 3 weeks and is still maintaining a 172 average). Unfortunately, these 2 games were as good as it got for Pat as he rode a string of 5 mark less frames to finish the 3rd game with a 117. While falling short of the girly 120's it did exceed Brian 's low water mark from last week of 107. To make things worse, he actually did a "Brooklyn point" while he threw his 2nd ball. The fact that he had a whole rack (actually 9 pins) may have confused him. As he dug in his pockets for the non existent remaining quarters, he declared: "Looks like it is back to practice 3 days a week."
In the battle for the team's top average, Jim out dueled JD 523 to 458 (not much of a battle anchorman!). As is his norm this year, Jim tossed in a 149 just to keep his average from spiking too high or too early. Is it strategy, or is he trying to give JD a fighting chance? Much like last year's explanations (scab on leg and clenched butt cheeks to avoid a bowel blowout), Jim produced a new one for this year......"I have a pain in my ass, don't you know?"
Not much to be said about JD's 458 other than a girly 121 is always going to keep you short of the 525 series he is capable of achieving. Like Pat earlier, JD acknowledged it may be time for a practice session.
We went 2-5 and now sit at 12-9 for the year.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Taking us to the next level
In the past few seasons the lineup has typically included Brian leading off (nothing intimidates an opponent like an erratic straight ball knocking over 5 random pins), Pat and Muck in the middle and Dan bringing up the year (easy fellas, you'll need to get your gay porn references at another site). While this lineup has produced moderately successful results a change was necessary to get to the next level (without actually gaining any real bowling skill of course). Hoping this modification would have the same results as the Doug Collins to Phil Jackson change, the team went the free agency route and was able to lure JD off the golf course a month early (you may ask yourself: "who golfs at 9:00 on a Tuesday night?" but that was the reason provided in the past for not making the commitment to the team). When advised of the preseason mandatory training sessions, JD indignantly rolled his eyes and said "The season starts in September, I'll practice then!"
It was the confidence of a Tiger Woods and the "who needs preseason practice?" attitude of a Brett Favre that convinced the brothers that JD was the man to take over the anchor spot in the lineup. The 2009-2010 lineup was now set: Brian (the team's most improved player PNB*), Dan, Pat, Jim M. and JD. While this line up produced the same results as week one's 5-2, it does have the feel of much greater potential.
In the interest of unbiased reporting I will simply list each bowler's scores. In the interest of "its my blog" I will comment upon those scores. Brian: 107, 140, 151. Really, a 107? Where is the PNB Brian that we saw at the end of last year and has a 175 average potential? Maybe a little practice would help. Dan: 148, 158, 145. Ouch. Second consecutive week of all games hovering around 150. House ball and rental shoes anyone? Pat: 145, 216, 172. A lukewarm start after last week's anemic 392 series (yes, that is for THREE games) but a very nice rebound to 2 solid finishing games. I guess the nightly practice does pay off. Jim M.: 191, 147, 149 and JD: 188, 160, 140. I list these together since it is the battle the team wants to see. Who will emerge as the team's top bowler? If the first game is any indication (191 to 188) we are on our way to two 180+ average bowlers. If the 2nd two games (Jim 148 avg) and JD (150) are any indicator, we will have five 150 bowlers.
After 2 weeks we are 10-4 and in 1st place. If there is any question why some of the good teams hate us try to digest these facts. There are 83 bowlers that have bowled this year. We have 3 of the bottom 15 (Pat at 68, Dan at 74 and Brian 77 ...tied with a Mini ME!!) . JD is 53 and our top bowler is 50th!!!!! We have no one higher than the 60th percentile. Thank goodness for handicaps.
*PNB post new ball
It was the confidence of a Tiger Woods and the "who needs preseason practice?" attitude of a Brett Favre that convinced the brothers that JD was the man to take over the anchor spot in the lineup. The 2009-2010 lineup was now set: Brian (the team's most improved player PNB*), Dan, Pat, Jim M. and JD. While this line up produced the same results as week one's 5-2, it does have the feel of much greater potential.
In the interest of unbiased reporting I will simply list each bowler's scores. In the interest of "its my blog" I will comment upon those scores. Brian: 107, 140, 151. Really, a 107? Where is the PNB Brian that we saw at the end of last year and has a 175 average potential? Maybe a little practice would help. Dan: 148, 158, 145. Ouch. Second consecutive week of all games hovering around 150. House ball and rental shoes anyone? Pat: 145, 216, 172. A lukewarm start after last week's anemic 392 series (yes, that is for THREE games) but a very nice rebound to 2 solid finishing games. I guess the nightly practice does pay off. Jim M.: 191, 147, 149 and JD: 188, 160, 140. I list these together since it is the battle the team wants to see. Who will emerge as the team's top bowler? If the first game is any indication (191 to 188) we are on our way to two 180+ average bowlers. If the 2nd two games (Jim 148 avg) and JD (150) are any indicator, we will have five 150 bowlers.
After 2 weeks we are 10-4 and in 1st place. If there is any question why some of the good teams hate us try to digest these facts. There are 83 bowlers that have bowled this year. We have 3 of the bottom 15 (Pat at 68, Dan at 74 and Brian 77 ...tied with a Mini ME!!) . JD is 53 and our top bowler is 50th!!!!! We have no one higher than the 60th percentile. Thank goodness for handicaps.
*PNB post new ball
Saturday, September 12, 2009
An Evening of firsts
For the third consecutive off season, the team spent considerable time and energy searching for the elusive 5th man to round out the roster. First it was Mark P. who jumped ship in search of the American dream. Mark will be remembered for the famous gutter / spare combo which will forever be affectionatley referred to as a "Prybel". Next it was Ass-pan who fell pray to the pressures of being a dad (do I hear a whip?). Do we not all contemplate removing our shoes every time we stand in a urine puddle as some sort of preverse way of paying homage to Rick's bizarre behavior? Finally, there was Mark the II, also giving the same "I am so important to the company I just can't be spared for one everning of the week" reason. Three letters sums this up......"F" "N" "G".
Speaking of FNG's...Los Diablos welcomes its fourth 5th man in as many years. Clearly the core four has done a respectable job in the past considering the overall lack of bowling skill relative to the rest of the league. Could JD's presence propel the team to its first ever plus 800 average? It did look promising when the team achieved its first beer frame of the season on the first night...could this be the start of something that occurs on a regular basis?
Over the years, this blog has taken some criticism for a bias for and against certain team members. While I continue to threaten to provide "editor" authority to all team members, I have yet to pull the trigger, gong with the "if you want to write a blog, create your own" philosphy. In the following paragraph, I will try to present unbiased facts only (supplied by the new Villa Park Men's league website).
We won the evening 5-2. Misfits went 0-7. JD's 283 one game handicap puts him on the front page as the 2nd high handicap game of the evening. Los Diablos' 1137 handicap series was the 3rd highest, also getting a spot on the front page. There were results of 75 bowlers listed. Jim's 182 average was 30th place. JD's 175 average was 39th place. Brian's 158 was 55th place. Dan's 143 was good for 68th (tied with Dean Corn!) and Pat's 130 was good for 75th place.
Enough said about biased reporting, the facts speak for themselves.
Speaking of FNG's...Los Diablos welcomes its fourth 5th man in as many years. Clearly the core four has done a respectable job in the past considering the overall lack of bowling skill relative to the rest of the league. Could JD's presence propel the team to its first ever plus 800 average? It did look promising when the team achieved its first beer frame of the season on the first night...could this be the start of something that occurs on a regular basis?
Over the years, this blog has taken some criticism for a bias for and against certain team members. While I continue to threaten to provide "editor" authority to all team members, I have yet to pull the trigger, gong with the "if you want to write a blog, create your own" philosphy. In the following paragraph, I will try to present unbiased facts only (supplied by the new Villa Park Men's league website).
We won the evening 5-2. Misfits went 0-7. JD's 283 one game handicap puts him on the front page as the 2nd high handicap game of the evening. Los Diablos' 1137 handicap series was the 3rd highest, also getting a spot on the front page. There were results of 75 bowlers listed. Jim's 182 average was 30th place. JD's 175 average was 39th place. Brian's 158 was 55th place. Dan's 143 was good for 68th (tied with Dean Corn!) and Pat's 130 was good for 75th place.
Enough said about biased reporting, the facts speak for themselves.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
All we need to do is bowl our average
Fresh off the "B" squad's impressive victory the week before, Los Diablos had its #1 and #2 bowlers back and was armed with the news all we needed to do was pick up 3 points tonight and we would be in the playoffs. Couple that with the fact that it was Pat's birthday, everything seemed to be lined up just right, almost the exact opposite of the week before when all odds were stacked against us.
As happens so often in sports, when presented with the opportunity to cease the moment, an individual or a team feels the pressure. The anchor around the neck, the hand against the throat, the quivering knees, the puckering sphincter...we all know the signs all too well. If we bowl our average or better, we have a very good chance of taking the majority of the points. Last week's glorious 2445 series (815 average) was replaced by this week's 2290 (763 average). Altough we win and lose together as a team, it must be pointed out that Pat (519), Brian (466) and Matt (435) all bowled above average.
While Dan has abandoned the "it doesn't matter what I do I still bowl 160 (158)" attitude, his ill advised late season delivery adjustment seems to be poorly timed. Dan did start out in game one earning the Diablos' 1st burrito of the season (followed by Muck and Pat) on the way to a solid 178. This solid start was aborted abruptly when birthday boy Pat, with his left hand on his hip and his right hand limply moving up and down with his index finger pointing at Dan's chest, screeched: "You BITCH!!" This disturbing outburst by his younger brother appeared to have done serious psychological damage and the 178 was followed by an impotent effort of 124 and 136 for a series of 438.
Speaking of puckering sphincters.....Jim seemed much more focused on clenching his butt cheeks together than following through on his delivery. Although we all would have liked to see some better scores, we can be thankful Jim spared us a lifetime's worth of nightmares had we witnessed a back swing bowel blowout. When it became clear to Jim that he would not break a 450 series, a little of the old Jim came to life as he declared he had never been below 450 all season. Jim was correct, tonight's 432 (155, 124, 153) was indeed his lowest. Week ten's 457 (155, 154, 148) was his previous low. Looks like a 1st game 155 is a bad omen for Jim.
Next week we start all over again boys. Let's get back on track.
As happens so often in sports, when presented with the opportunity to cease the moment, an individual or a team feels the pressure. The anchor around the neck, the hand against the throat, the quivering knees, the puckering sphincter...we all know the signs all too well. If we bowl our average or better, we have a very good chance of taking the majority of the points. Last week's glorious 2445 series (815 average) was replaced by this week's 2290 (763 average). Altough we win and lose together as a team, it must be pointed out that Pat (519), Brian (466) and Matt (435) all bowled above average.
While Dan has abandoned the "it doesn't matter what I do I still bowl 160 (158)" attitude, his ill advised late season delivery adjustment seems to be poorly timed. Dan did start out in game one earning the Diablos' 1st burrito of the season (followed by Muck and Pat) on the way to a solid 178. This solid start was aborted abruptly when birthday boy Pat, with his left hand on his hip and his right hand limply moving up and down with his index finger pointing at Dan's chest, screeched: "You BITCH!!" This disturbing outburst by his younger brother appeared to have done serious psychological damage and the 178 was followed by an impotent effort of 124 and 136 for a series of 438.
Speaking of puckering sphincters.....Jim seemed much more focused on clenching his butt cheeks together than following through on his delivery. Although we all would have liked to see some better scores, we can be thankful Jim spared us a lifetime's worth of nightmares had we witnessed a back swing bowel blowout. When it became clear to Jim that he would not break a 450 series, a little of the old Jim came to life as he declared he had never been below 450 all season. Jim was correct, tonight's 432 (155, 124, 153) was indeed his lowest. Week ten's 457 (155, 154, 148) was his previous low. Looks like a 1st game 155 is a bad omen for Jim.
Next week we start all over again boys. Let's get back on track.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
"B" squad my ASS
What would we do without our rocks, our strength, the number 1 and 2 bowlers on the team? Who would lead us on the trash talking and the "get your head out of your #@%" comments? Despite the gloomy forecast and the prospect of an 0-7 evening, Los Diablos showed up on Tuesday night. How would we put our 776 average up against Hank and the Any Old Strikes' 994 average? With Brian in the familiar lead off spot (no place for headcases tonight), Dan in the anchor spot and JD solidly in the middle, we filled inthe roster with a late arriving Todd and Super Sub 100. The question was in everyone's minds....would Scott break 100 in more than one game this week or would he truly take over as King headcase?
Not only did Scott break 100, his 485 series (175, 181, 129) was 178 pins over last week!! Brian's 520 (163, 213, 144) was followed by Dan 's 503(192, 163, 148), JD's 490 (186, 162, 142) and Todd's 447 (174,128, 145). No need to do the math, that was a whopping 890 in the 1st game, only 12 below our all time best. Needless to say we did an ass whippin' and won by 153 pins. Game 2 saw a slight drop to an 847 but another 2 points nonetheless. This margin was a mere 84 pins. Could we possibly win all 7 or would Hank's corkscrew, annoying style finally get the better of us? We did dip to a sub par 708 in game 3 yet it was good for another 41 pin victory and a 7-0 sweep. Los Diablos was on fire and we tied our all time high handicap series with a 3555. This performance by a "subpar" lineup got the talk going about who truly deserves to be in the starting five and begs the question.......can you afford to miss a week?
As we all say and know all too well, it sure feels better to be taking 5 or 7 points a night verse getting only 1 or 2. Let's keep it rolling.
PS. A couple worthy notes. During his 175 game, Scott earned the right to buy shots and Brian started out game 2 with 5 straight strikes.
Not only did Scott break 100, his 485 series (175, 181, 129) was 178 pins over last week!! Brian's 520 (163, 213, 144) was followed by Dan 's 503(192, 163, 148), JD's 490 (186, 162, 142) and Todd's 447 (174,128, 145). No need to do the math, that was a whopping 890 in the 1st game, only 12 below our all time best. Needless to say we did an ass whippin' and won by 153 pins. Game 2 saw a slight drop to an 847 but another 2 points nonetheless. This margin was a mere 84 pins. Could we possibly win all 7 or would Hank's corkscrew, annoying style finally get the better of us? We did dip to a sub par 708 in game 3 yet it was good for another 41 pin victory and a 7-0 sweep. Los Diablos was on fire and we tied our all time high handicap series with a 3555. This performance by a "subpar" lineup got the talk going about who truly deserves to be in the starting five and begs the question.......can you afford to miss a week?
As we all say and know all too well, it sure feels better to be taking 5 or 7 points a night verse getting only 1 or 2. Let's keep it rolling.
PS. A couple worthy notes. During his 175 game, Scott earned the right to buy shots and Brian started out game 2 with 5 straight strikes.
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