Saturday, January 23, 2010

Readers outraged......alleged biased reporting!!

Scouring through reams of old copy and compiling some "statistics" of his own, the captain felt it was time to back his anchorman's claims and finally end the controversy over the alleged lack of fair and unbiased reporting. The "take that, you prejudiced @#%hole" sentiment was clearly felt as Brian exposed the truth regarding the frivolous nonsense that the readers of this blog have been subjected to over the last few years. Clearly offended by the author's lame attempt earlier in the week to "prove" how fair the reporting has been, Brian laid out a laundry list of facts that showed that indeed this blog was a self serving forum in which the author spoke poorly of his teammates and protected the sanctity of the family. All I can say is I merely call it as I see it (and then embellish it so that it makes me smile).

Now, on to the recap of this week's contest. Everyone was on top of their game right off the bat, all bowling above average. Everyone except Jim, that is. As this year's new anchor he has been carrying the team, continually exceeding his outstanding performance from the week before. As a team we all secretly fear there will be an off season Wilbur Marshall-like bidding war for his services from the likes of the Rat Bastards or Spare Dogs. Unthinkable you say? No one ever thought small town Mississippi boy Bret Favre would leave the Packers and go to big city New York but he did. Could Jim's slow start have been caused by the pressure of being the only one on the team not carrying an embarrassing average or could it have been another case of an angry bowel like he experienced last year? Whatever it was, it clearly was frustrating Jim that he could not hit his mark on the way to a 134. At one point Pat hunched over the table, looked cautiously from side to side and with a very concerned, hushed tone stated: "He's gonna blow before Rocco!" We were all glad to see he kept his cool despite only beating the girly 120's by a mere 5 pins.

Another week passed and still no beer frame, however, we did get another tequila frame courtesy of Dan. Beer and or tequila frames usually have a certain level of anticipation and excitement in them as each bowler steps to the line. Are they up to the challenge or are they the ones to do the bailout? Worse yet, will they have to hit the hip and buy (therefore killing the beer frame and drinks on the house)? Do you root for the teammate's good fortune of another strike or do you secretly hope for a miss so that you do not have to buy? It's a delicate line that we all know has no impact on the outcome. However, on this particular night, Dan did not get to experience any of this as he was bowling in the next frame and was not aware that his non strike first ball in the previous frame had set up a tequila frame. While he walked back to his teammates without a care in the world his heart sank when he heard the fateful words "you might as well keep walking". The team gleefully pointed out that on this night and in this frame the tequila would be on Dan. Having missed out on any of the normal thrill that one usually experiences as a tequila (beer) frame unfolds, I can now relate to what the Sargent was referring to in Full Metal Jacket.....I didn't even get the courtesy of a "reach around" as I was getting #%&%'d up the &$$!!!

Well, I see I am on paragraph 4, and as Brian so painstakingly pointed out, my average entry is only 2 paragraphs (now that's a fact I would like to validate). Jim rallied in games 2 and 3 with a very nice 217, 223 combo and ended with highest series of the evening: 574. As these outstanding games were unfolding, the team discussed how it was good to have Jim "back". We all nodded our heads in agreement when Pat stated: "Thank God he's back...he was on the verge of tears". Speaking of 2 quote Pat, he had the next highest series of 573 (202, 189, 182). Dan followed with a 516 (177, 155, 184) and JD's 168, 179, 164 totaled for a 501. Sorry, JD, no big news flashes for a 501 like Mark got for his 500. Brian, possibly distracted by his impending investigative reporting, turned in a lukewarm (if not consistent) performance of 156, 144, 149 for a 449. That is 4 /5 of a five for five evening which lead to a 7-0 sweep.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Truly inspired writing. I seem to have touched a nerve with the two paragraph comment. I do appreciate the Doyle bailout on my performance being a result of distraction. I almost feel like a brother.

A wanna be Doyle.