The whole team was back for the 1st time in weeks and my buddy Brian looked like a new man. Our speculation that he was at an intensive bowling camp for the last few weeks was quickly dispelled as we saw him throw misguided ball after misguided ball. Is he going for the elusive sub 90 game, I asked myself? As it turns out he did achieve the team low of 86 (previous team low held by Mark and Pat with an 89). Of course the brothers aren't nearly men enough to have this score announced themselves so they talked Rick into doing it (it was funny, though). Dan (the unfeeling bastard) pointed out that Brian needed to bowl a 214 in this last game while kingpin Dan didn't even need to play a 3rd game for them to tie for the series.
Although I thought everyone knew I was an ass man, I was somewhat dismayed at Pat's shocked reaction when I proudly declared: "I'm an ASS man!". Maybe it was the timing of the comment since he had just referred to our teammate Rick as "Assman". Speaking of Rick, I find myself with a goofy smile on my face every time I think of his "She's Mrs. Candyland" comment regarding the 7 of clubs. Between that and the weekly USS (urine stained socks) comments, I am really glad I can affectionately call him my teammate.
I feel it is only right that I give Dan some credit. He bowled an impressive 614 series (230, 187, 197). At least he didn't gag like the last time he bowled over 230 and then followed it up with 125!!!! Hey, Dan....it's easier to bowl without you left hand clasping your throat!!!. Brian rallied in the last game to avoid his all time low 312 series, Rick was a little below average while Pat and I had 490 - something series. Right at our averages but bowling your average is kind of like kissing your sister....or in this case kissing your neighbor!! One more week of this humiliation and then I am off for a week of Deliverance-like adventures down in the backwoods. Pat sure has a pretty mouth!
Author's note: All accounts above are pure fiction and written by the same author as always. Any similarities to real people on a weekly bowling team in Wheaton is pure coincidence. Any change in style from an impartial 3rd party to a 1st party team member perspective is done strictly in the interest of providing a different point of reference.